This leads me to thinking about my future wedding or funeral. (Yes, I did lump those two together because right now I feel like they are one in the same) How many would attend? Im not sure many would. A few family members (provided it doesn’t fall on a weekend/day that they are vacationing or have something better to do) and maybe a few friends (also with the same stipulations as family). It’s in this realization that I’ve noticed I’m the forgettable friend. You call on me when you need something- someone to watch your dog, borrow money, be a character witness in court, etc. but I’m not the friend that anyone says “hey, let me reach out and see if she just wants to hang out.” I’m the doormat.
I don’t like being the doormat.
Sadly, when you’re the doormat it means you look out for people, making sure their “shoes are clean” serving their purpose but no one hangs out with you, talks to you, does things “just because” for you. But still you stay put, always ready for when someone needs to rub their dirty shoes on you to clean them off.
I used to have this take on how I was when I was younger thinking that I was some kind of snotty B or stuck up or something or that I had this clique of friends. Really truly always going to be there friends. But the truth is, as I’ve tested this theory for the last year, if I don’t reach out to them I’d never hear from them at all. Kinda sad and depressing when you think about it. And as I look back it’s always been like that.
So I wonder, is it just me? I thought I was a good friend. But am I? Am I just really this horrible worthless person that no body likes or wants to be around but will tolerate if they need something from me?
-Doormat
No comments:
Post a Comment